You said that love was just a state of mind, a puzzle made of pieces you cant find. - A1

Caught in the middle?Vonx was reminded of me(and many other stuffs) as she thought of this song.
I am not sure if I am in the middle of anything.I can't even see what's on the other side of either coast.

I spent my Saturday in a dream that I've been dreaming all the time and I wish,so badly that I do not have to wake up at all.
The ending is still cruel. When the realization dawns on me, I feel really hurt.
Why is it (still) this way? What did I lack of? Why can't I have it?

Why are we still friends? - 98 degrees.

Some people are harder to be friends than strangers. They really are.

"If time can be reversed, would you still want to know me?"

No. I really won't. Despite the many laughter, many good times I was given, I really doubt I would wanna know you all over again. It hurts too much and I pass the same hurt unnecessarily.
For me to realize that in the end, I am just a friend, a very good friend infact is very hurting.

"Time can't be reversed so it's too bad. We had already known each other."

Depart is the only possible solution. I can only leave to feel better.

"I would pursue on. You can't leave me."

More like you don't want me to leave. The hurt and plead I heard in your voice is so real. Why would you be afraid if I leave? Are you just afraid that you would lose a good friend? Best friend forever?
You do not understand who you are to me. You are a piece of shadow, a piece of impossible longing, a piece of memory, a piece of very coincidental hard to come by good friendship. Yet how can I just be a good friend for you?

There is a line of gap between good friends and a couple. You are everything but just something (or a few things).

I slept through the day. slept through the loud cacophony of 'noise' from the funeral @ my block, slept through my father's cigarette smoke, slept throught the hours. I wish to sleep on cos' sleeping is the only way to let every emotion goes to sleep.

Sometimes I wish by going through long hours of sleep, I can wake up forgetting the bad stuff.
Wake up, moving on.
Moving on is really harder than one think. How to erase those markings you wish you have never draw?

The bad thing is I do not really have the time to sleep through everything. You know perhaps by sleeping long enough, you get tired of it and then you really move on.

I still have to go to work everyday, still have to smile everyday(Even if I don't feel like so but smiling is only necessary.), still have to go home and eat. (Eating is a total chore for me now! I just sit at the table, eating like it is a programme in my head. Chew,chew,swallow.)
I just have to keep this daily stuff going on as per normal so that no one would notice/worry.And I wouldn't have want them to anyway. No, not the attention on me. I don't need that.

A part of me stops moving cos' I can't leave and I can't move on. I really wish I could throw away all these daily responsibilities and really go away for a while. I will be back when I am ready, when I found something.
It just seem largely impossible cos' things surrounding you keep spinning non-stop and I can't ask to be excused.

I know life ain't as bad cos' there are bigger worries in life. There are so many more unfortunates cases around. There are people who worry about living, worry about money, worry about safety and health, worry about bigger worries in life.
Mine is so insignificant, I know. That is why I do not wallop in self-pity, I tried to be strong and move on, I never think mine is any case that requires special attention/counselling/consolation.

If everything is just a state of mind. Mine are all unnecessary pains.
I could do away with them.
I need alot of time alone,really alone. Yet there are so many places I am afraid to go alone cos' a lot of them have memories.

I then, wish for someone to bring me away.
Please.

Help.

Me.